What Are Living Amends? And How Do You Make Them? Cake Blog Cake: Create a Free End of Life Plan

Other individuals who have completed Step 9, such as your sponsor, may be able to help you choose a meaningful way to make indirect amends. Some people will be easier than others to approach due to the relationship you have with them, how close you live to them, or other factors. In some situations, attempting to make amends may cause more harm than good. And in some cases, you may not be able to make direct amends at all.

• A sponsor or therapist can help you talk through your choices, determine the best course of action for making amends, and consider how your actions may affect others as you seek to make amends.
• This occurs when you decide to do something like write a letter that you decide not to send because of the harm it may cause the individual to whom it is addressed.
• Your relationship with a higher power—no matter how you define it—can help you to remain open and willing, even as you acknowledge hard truths about pain you have caused to others.
• By accepting mistakes with self-compassion, individuals can foster resilience and commitment to continuous improvement.

Steps Six, Seven, Eight & Nine – Becoming A New You

Thankfully, there are tips you can take to help make your living amends permanent and lasting. No, the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are a spiritual program, not a religious one. Many AA members have achieved lasting sobriety by focusing on spiritual principles rather than specific beliefs.

How long does it take to work the 12 Steps?

Step Nine states that we make amends “except when to do so would injure them or others.” We don’t want our actions to cause further damage, harm or stress. In those cases, we can make amends in a broader sense by taking actions like donating money, volunteering our time or providing care. Living amends represent the long-term actions you will take to remain committed to recovery. Reflecting on previous attempts at making amends can provide valuable insights and learning opportunities for more effective amends in the future. Examples of lessons learned might include realizing the importance of timing, understanding the other person’s perspective, and recognizing when an apology is better left unsaid if it causes harm. Far from being a one-off activity, making amends should be a consistent commitment throughout the recovery process from a drug or drinking problem.

Support Your Recovery

Since we do not likely know one another, I cannot tailor your amends for the people you need to reach out to. Take your time as you go through the 12 steps of recovery, and God will reveal what you need to do. I have made many amends for my past while living as an alcoholic. It is freedom from behaviors that do not live up to the new life in sobriety I am choosing to live. The effectiveness of the Twelve Steps is rooted in the transformational process they create when worked thoroughly. Recovered alcoholics describe a complete shift in how they respond to life, marked by freedom from addictive thinking and destructive behaviors.

My experience here at Silvermist was a lifesaving opportunity and blessing

It highlights the essential work of aligning one’s actions with values, moving away from past behaviors, and towards a meaningful and forthright way of living life sober. However, these promises are usually the result of deep feelings of shame, guilt, and regret and may not be genuine for some. Many times, these kinds of promises serve to alleviate the wrongdoer’s guilt and so that they can say they apologized before their loved one died. With these kinds of promises, there may not be enough genuine intention of changing their hurtful patterns and behaviors. They want to find ways of making up for all their past wrongs, and they don’t want to miss the opportunity to do so once their loved one dies. In these cases, they make promises of cleaning up their act and changing their behaviors to their loved ones just before they die.

A few months back, she was traveling for an extended period of time. Well, the time came to continue my living amends to her and redo her entire master suite, including her bathroom. She came home to what she described as “a completely different house”. It is not a time to make excuses what is Oxford House for our behavior instead, it’s an open door for the wronged person to express themselves. They get the opportunity to express how my actions affected them.

• Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
• Step 10 is a daily practice of self-examination where we review our thoughts, actions, and emotional reactions to ensure we’re staying on the path of spiritual growth.
• Recognizing patterns of dishonesty is the first step toward regaining personal integrity in recovery.
• If this is the case, seek the advice of a qualified treatment professional or licensed therapist.

Our team will work closely with you throughout this process to help you achieve your goals in recovery. Step 9, often seen as one of the most challenging, requires courage, humility, and guidance. More than an apology, it’s about making genuine amends—taking action to correct past mistakes without causing harm. Here, we explore Step 9, its goals, possible outcomes, and effective language for making amends. Sustainable recovery is possible and the best version of youself awaits at our Norcross addiction recovery center. We’ll help you learn that the opposite of addiction is connection.

When and Why Do People Make Living Amends?

• This living amends step, as well as every step in the 12-step process, is a time-tested aspect of addiction treatment.
• Making direct amends to those harmed is the focal point of the Ninth step in the 12-step process.
• NA also works out of the Basic Text of NA, while AA works from The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
• This Step includes an important caveat for members – carefully examine if the full revelation of the situation would cause harm to the one amends are being made to.
• As we make direct amends to those we have harmed, we not only clear the wreckage of our past but also begin to live differently.
• Admitting powerlessness is not about weakness—it’s about recognizing the truth so we can finally stop fighting and start healing.

It takes a certain maturity and level of respect for yourself and the person you’re hoping to reconnect with to get past any past issues. These changes in behavior help toward the goal of reestablishing relationships or making them stronger. By confronting past mistakes, you begin to put the past behind and embrace a brighter, healthier future. It is very important to recognize that the act of making amends is for you and not the other person.

Memorial Day Is a High Risk for Underage Drinking and Drug Abuse

At Silvermist living amends meaning Recovery Center, you can experience one on one care and a customized treatment plan. We proudly offer a Life Skills Curriculum to help young people transition into adulthood. In 12-Step groups such as AA, making amends is covered in Step 8 and Step 9. I am not proud of that, but it is the reality of how I used to behave. It ranged from promising to fix something around the house to going to a family gathering.